The Ice Princess & The Grinning Fox
by Sakanda
Summary: Once upon a time there was a boy who was not a boy, and a fox who was. [Fairytale Humor SasuNaru]


**Title:** The Ice Princess & The Grinning Fox.

**Chapter:** One - The Boy - Er, Fox... Thing.

**Author:** Sakanda

**Fandom: **Naruto

**Pairings:** SasuxNaru, GaaraxNeji(?), Others Undecided

**Genre:** AU, Fairy Tale, Humor _(Laces of Crack)_

**Rating:** PG-13 _(Might go up)_

**Warnings:** Eventual Boy Lovin', Swearing, OOC _(did I mention crack?)_

**Summary:** Once upon a time there was a boy who was not a boy, and a fox who was.

**Notes: **Yeah, it's gonna have a fairytale feel through-out, but it's going to lessen as it goes on _(I think. xD) _All OOCness, blame on it being a fairytale, yeah? Cough. xD But don't worry, the OOC is also going to lessen as it gets into it. Also, what do you think? I'll admit this chapter took me a bit, so is it worth it to continue this? xD

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**The Ice Princess & The Grinning Fox.**

Once upon a time there lived an evil sorcerer, who was also a prince to a mighty kingdom. And this sorcerer had a younger brother, who was so unbelievably handsome, it seemed the sun came out just for the chance to shine down upon him. Now, while the sorcerer himself was very beautiful, because of nights spent staying up and cackling evilly, he had perpetual bags under his eyes, which caused him to be compared to his brother as a duck is to a swan. The royal family spent every waking moment adoring the younger prince, which greatly angered his jealous older brother. So, caught up in his blind rage at being ignored, the sorcerer massacred the royal family, all but the younger prince, whom he gave a fate worse than death. For while the prince was quite beautiful, he held his dignity as a man high above any care of his appearance. So the evil sorcerer cast a curse on his younger brother, turning him into a princess, and erasing everyone else's memory of him being anything else. And so with a last evil cackle, the sorcerer disappeared from the mighty kingdom he should have rightfully inherited, and left all of its burdens and responsibilities to his younger brother.

The Princess was quite distraught about the outcome of all of this, for she'd had no idea that her brother had meant any ill will towards her or their family. And because she was orphaned and betrayed so young, she became cold and distance to such an extreme that she appeared cruel to any who did not know her dark past. The court council took charge of the kingdom, because the Princess was of such a young age, and ruled fairly, awaiting the day until she could take the throne.

Now, as it happened, a great many nights after the royal tragedy, the Princess was taking a stroll along the woods around the outer castle, when she came to spy a small fox. And while the sight of a fox wasn't uncommon in such a kingdom, the appearance of this one struck her as strange. Never before had she seen a fox with blue eyes, and one with a coat of fur so red, it seemed almost orange. She stopped in her tracks; afraid she might scare the odd creature away.

And the fox, you see, was indeed an odd creature, because he came from the Enchanted Wood, where his mother, a great nine-tailed vixen, once ruled as a tyrant. But his mother died giving birth, so he grew up as an orphan, with the other creatures of the wood shunning him because of his ancestry. Because of his cruel home, he had journeyed forth into the land, to try and find a place to accept him.

But the Princess did not know anything about this, or about the fox's great magic. And that, combined with the power of the night's moonshine, which illuminated the Princess, allowed the fox to easily see through the curse her brother had laid on her many years ago. The simple beauty of the prince sealed under the curse was enough to leave the fox breathless, but it was the eyes that caught his attention. Female or male, the Princess' coal eyes spoke of the great agony and turmoil that laid in her soul. So, in pity, the fox approached her, and nuzzled her affectionately, trying to bring some type of comfort.

And the Princess, having been a female for so long, could not suppress the most feminine urge to squeeze such a cute animal. So, in a moment of weakness, she hugged the fox to her bosom and brought him with her to the castle.

But the next morning, she awoke not to find the cuddly woodland creature she had brought home with her, but a tan-skinned boy, with wild golden tresses, blue eyes and whiskered cheeks. Naked. Lying in her bed.

"What the hell!" She squealed oh so effeminately, as she careened out of bed, tangled in one of her sheets. "Who the fuck are you?"

The fox, now turned boy, who had been sleeping till then, was equally surprised to find a milky skinned princess instead of the angsty prince from the night before. "W-what! What the hell! Who are you?!" The boy shouted in a squeaky voice, for he was unaware of the moons' effect on the Princess' appearance.

The Princess, thunderstruck at the thought of someone making it pass her royal guards, managed to stammer out a reply, "I...I asked you first!"

The boy blinked because, indeed, she had asked first. And since she was a princess (as was obvious from the crown on the bedside table), it only seemed right to have manners around her. He leaned back on his hands as he struggled to find an answer that best described him, unintentionally exposing much more of his nude skin. The Princess flushed and looked away in embarrassment, which was of course, natural. The only naked boy she'd ever seen had been herself.

The boy, seemingly have reached an answer, whipped his head toward the Princess, his face shining with pride. "I am the first born son and only child of Kyuubi, former ruler of the Enchanted Wood." The boy was quite impressed by his description, smiling openly.

The Princess, on the other hand, didn't exactly feel the same way. "How dare you try and lie to me! Do you even know who you're talking to?" It was common knowledge that no mere mortal could even enter the Enchanted Wood, let allow rule over it.

"Um, actually, no. I don't. That's sort of why I asked you in the first place…" The boy trailed off, noticing the look of pure hatred that had spread across the Princess' features. He had yet to realize that boy or girl, the Princess had always been known for her nasty temper.

"You don't know who I am! How dare you! I am Sasuke Uchiha, heir to the throne of the Kingdom of the Red Fans!" The Princess was absolutely taken aback. Had he just been implying the she was stupid? That she hadn't known he'd already asked that? Of course she had, she'd just been testing him. Checking the waters or something to the same effect. She doing something so, well, common? Pure blasphemy!

The boy, also not having realized the Princess had an ego to match her temper, went on, oblivious, "The Kingdom of the Red Fans? What a messed up name. Why don't you call it something normal, like Camelot or England or something?" He squinted his eyes at her in interest. "Though I'll admit, Sasuke's a pretty cool name. What's it mean?"

The Princess scoffed at the boy's stupidity, "What do you mean, what does it mean? Isn't it obvious?" She stopped to give him a chance to redeem himself, but when he didn't answer, she continued on in irritation. "Hmpf, well, it is obvious, maybe just not to someone like _you_." The boy opened his mouth to ask what that was suppose to mean, but the Princess, still ranting, didn't take any notice, "Sasuke, I'll have you know, is a name that was created just for me, because upon the day of my birth, no where in the kingdom could they find a name grand enough to suit me. It means 'the embodiment of pure Awesome," the Princess finished was a superior look.

The boy snorted in amusement. "Yeah, sure, I bet it does." Looking absolutely outraged, the Princess demanded to know what he meant by that. "I'm sure they only told you that to shut you up. It probably means something stupid, like, like, chowder or something." The Princess just stared at him. "…What?"

"Chowder? What nonsense are you spewing? Why would they name the _heir_ to a mighty kingdom, 'chowder'?" She gave him an accusing look, "Are you on drugs?"

Sputtering, the boy became deeply offended, even if he wasn't quite sure what drugs where. "God, you're so damn rude! I don't care if you _are_ royalty, you should at least have some manners! Is everyone here like this?"

The Princess looked undisturbed by his outburst. "Yes, yes there are. And in that case, you should return home. Where was that again?"

Frustrated, the boy tugged at his hair. "I already told you! The Enchanted Wood! Shit, this is so stupid! Who are you anyway? Where _am_ I? Where's that black haired boy from last night?" He gave her a questioning look. "Are you his sister or something?"

The Princess, misunderstanding, and thinking that he was talking about the evil sorcerer, became suddenly stoic, "My… brother?"

The boy nodded, unaware of the dangerous mien surrounding the Princess. "It must be, I mean, you both look so much alike, right? Though, his hair is shorter than yours. Almost like, I don't know," He raised his hands and tried to mold out the shape around his head, "A duck butt? Or a cockatoo? All sticking up everywhere." He eyed the Princess up and down. "And in my opinion, he's a lot better looking too."

The Princess almost forgot to be shocked because of the offense she took at that remark. But then she realized that, wait - this boy must be talking about her, so there really wasn't any need for her ego to get hurt.

"But… how…?" She couldn't grasp it, this boy had seen through her brother's spell? But only she could do that, and that was when she had her magic mirror. She didn't even know this boy, so when had he even gotten the chance to be close enough to see her?

A faint blush began to dust the boy's checks. "Well, see… I've always kind of liked, well, ah… Boys better." He forced a laugh and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry, you're pretty and all, but I can't help it. There's no need to look so shocked, really. It's not your fau-"

"Idiot!" She punched him in the arm.

"Ow!" The boy gripped at his wounded appendage and looked taken-aback. "Hey! I said I was sorry! There's no need to get violent!"

"Idiot!" She yelled again, louder. How could this boy be so stupid! Didn't he realize what this meant? That he could actually see her true self?

"Well,_ sorry_ if I happen to like boys! God, I didn't think there were actually homophobic people out there. It's not my fault, all right? It's just that well, girls are too soft, and… girly…" Okay, so apparently he _didn't_ realize what this meant. His mouth set into a grim line. "I was just born this way, so you have to learn to deal with it."

The Princess sighed in exasperation. "I don't care about that, you moron. I just meant, how did you see my true self? I was that boy. So how did you see?"

The boy looked baffled. "…Huh? But you… You are… Oh." His eyes widened. "_Oh. _So you're one of _those_, huh?" He leaned closer to the Princess to get a better look.

"What do you mean, 'one of those'? I have no idea what- _Hey_!" She slapped him then pushed him away. "You just… Did you just…? You just poked my _boob_!"

The boy rubbed at the red handprint on his face. "Wow, those feel so real."

"Because they are real, you pervert!"

"What are you talking about? You just said you were a boy!"

"I _am_ a boy!"

"Then how the hell are those real!"

"Because I'm a girl!"

"That makes no sense!"

"I know it makes no sense!"

"Then what the _hell _are you talking about!"

The Princess sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes. "I'm really a boy, but I got turned into a girl, so now I'm always a girl, even though I'm really a boy.

"Uh, oh." He still looked confused. "So what, you're a girl? Then how come I saw you as a boy?" He didn't sound very convinced, either.

"That's just it, I don't know!" The Princess slammed her fists into the mattress in frustration. "No one should be able to see me as boy, but you did, so I have _no_ idea what that's suppose to _mean_!" She looked like she was about to cry, and while, apparently, she was a guy, the boy thought she still looked like a girl, and he hated it when girls cried.

"Hey, it's alright… I'm sure we'll figure this out…" He cautiously placed his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

"Don't you touch me!" The Princess knocked his hand away. "Who do you think you are? 'We'? What are you, crazy? Who ever said anything about a 'we'? I don't even know who you are!" Realization dawned across her features. "That's right, I don't even know who you are!" She gathered the forgotten sheet around herself again to conceal her flimsy nightgown.

The boy was aggravated. "What are you talking about? I already told you, I'm the son of-"

The Princess let out a cry, her voice raising a pitch in panic. "Dear God, you're naked! I forgot! Guards! _Guards!_" Truth be told, the Princess wasn't all that bothered by the boy, she just needed a little bit of time to herself to try and figure all this out. And well, yes, she had kind of forgotten about the whole naked thing.

"Hey! No! What are you doing! I didn't-"

With a deafening bang, the enormous chamber doors swung inward, admitting three bulky men covered head to toe with red and white armor. Their narrowed eyes gleamed with malice, and their drawn swords shone ominously from the sunlight pouring in from the large bow window. The boy squeaked with fright and scrambled to the opposite edge of the bed. Unfortunately, that was also the side the Princess was leaning on.

"_Princess_!" roared the tallest of the guards, before charging at the bed with the power of a mule, horrifying both the Princess and the boy.

In his terror, the boy launched himself at the Princess, clinging to her for all he was worth. And the Princess, equally frightened for her life (her guards weren't all that bright), held on just as tight. Because of their panic, both teenagers seemed to forget about the boy's state of undress.

"_Release the Princess at once, you scoundrel_!" In his blind fury, having misinterpreted the boy's actions as an attempt to molest the Princess, the guard took a mighty swipe at him with his sword, not processing who he was exactly attacking. Luckily, the Princess managed sidestepped the assault just in time, but since the boy and her were of equal size, the sudden movement caused her to lose her balance, and topple to the ground with the boy landing on top of her.

"Ebisu! Wait! _Wait!_" The Princess screamed, hoping to whatever Gods there were that the idiot would realize what he was doing.

The guard gasped. "Pri-princess…? Oh! I'm dreadfully sorry! I didn't mean to- It was just- I shouldn't have-!" He gasped again. "Princess! Hold on, I'll save you!" Saying this, the guard reached down and forcefully yanked the boy off of the Princess, who was quiet shaken from this whole ordeal, but still had the decency to blush.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry," he managed to stammer out, "I didn't mean-"

"Shut it, you!" Ebisu growled, giving him a steely glare before throwing him to the guards behind him. He kneeled gracefully next to the Princess, and offered out his hand. "Princess, are you alright? I was so worried-"

"You goddamn idiot!" The Princess screeched, bolting up from the floor. "What the hell is wrong with you! You almost took my head off!"

"Pri-princess! Really! I would never do such a thing, I was simply-"

"Just shut up, you retard, before I have_ you _beheaded!" She stood with her hands clenched at her sides, shaking with fury. The boy squeaked from his vantage point at the guards' feet, and ducked behind their bulky legs. She could be really intimidating. "And you!" She yelled, rounding to point at the boy.

"…What?" He peeked out from behind the towering men scowling down at him.

The Princess' eyes flashed. This was all that stupid boy's fault. First he's naked in her bed, next he's trying to get her killed? All and all, it wasn't exactly a good morning. "Off to the dungeon with you!" On her command, the guards easily hauled the protesting boy up by his waist and carried out of the room. Ebisu shot a guilty look at the Princess before following behind. "And get him some clothes, goddamn it!" She called after them, seconds before the heavy doors slammed shut behind them.

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